History jokes

The truth behind Hitler's suicide: his gas bill was too high.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?

They both got taken out by two jets.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!

What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?

Usain finished the races.

How do you know Adam and Eve were white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and on their land.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

Cotton waiting to be picked.

Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."

What is the origin of the glory hole?

The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.