History jokes
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
Where does Caesar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
What type of camp does a kid with ADHD go to?
Concentration camp.
What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?
Their parents are extinct.
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
Why are Americans bad at chess? They lost their towers.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
Titanic hit a dimetrodon.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.
If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.
Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.