History jokes
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.
Iran: So?
Japan: Twice!
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?
I did nazi that coming!
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead.
What's the emergency number, Jimmy?
Jimmy: 9/11!
What do you call Hiroshima and Nagasaki?
The world's first microwaves.
Why is America better than Japan at rapping?
Because we're better at dropping bombs.
9/11, 911, same thing.
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why did Muhammad Ali go down? Because he couldn't stand the cancer.