History jokes
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
Why can't the T-Rex clap?
Because they're extinct!
What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes.
One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"
Why can't the T-Rex cross the road?
Because he's extinct.
What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?
Magic Johnson.
My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...
He fell from a tower.
Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.
What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.
But what is similar is tha-
Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!
Sorry 'bout that......
Now, as I was saying,
What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.
Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!
"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"
Other person: "We will be fine."
10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
I will mummyfry you!
How are the faster readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they read 80 stories in 10 seconds.
What's a snake's favorite subject?
Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 42 stories in 7 seconds.
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.