History jokes
A friend warned me that if I voted for Goldwater in 1964, we'd end up bombing North Viet Nam.
Well, I voted for him anyway, and sure enough, we ended up bombing North Viet Nam.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
Helen Keller walked into a bar, then a chair, then a table.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
This isn't ketchup.
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
Jesus was a carpenter who got nailed to a piece of wood.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson screwed little boys.