Why do people think Mozart was autistic?
Because he was probably retarded.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
9/11.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
Why was the Roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was "Romin" around during war.
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
