Him jokes
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.
Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"
Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."
What happened when the Japanese guy offered Logan Paul a high five?
He left him hanging.
People were deciding how to punish a terrible criminal, and one man came up with a great idea.
He sat him in a movie theater with no food at all and made him watch a 12 hour documentary about the country Hungary.
This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.