When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"
Him Jokes
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.
*also him*
Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.
But the tree left him hanging.
Why is the orphan sad for dinner?
He has no one to eat with at the table.
I met a baseball player, so I told him to make a home run, and he just looked at me with sadness. I don't know why.
By the way, he was an orphan.
I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"
I say, "Your parents."
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.
What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?
Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”
Lewandowski is so fast because whoever would think of adding an engine to him is a genius!
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
