Him jokes

Jesus

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

Emo

What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?

It left him hanging.

Exam

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Penis

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

Grave

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

Memes

Asthma

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Orphanage

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

Toy

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Phone

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

Orphan

I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.

The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.

Dream

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

Family

When the bully says, "You're adopted," so you hit him with, "At least someone wanted me!"

House

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Sand

Anakin Skywalker: I don't like sand.

*also him*

Anakin Skywalker: I lived on sand.

Wife

I caught my wife cheating on me.

I beat my son and grounded him.

Dad

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

Son

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.

Emo

An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.

But the tree left him hanging.