Him jokes
You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."
Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?
What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?
The tree leaves him hanging :)
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
I would tell a Biden joke except everyone would not stop falling asleep (including him).
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.
Then I waited for the results.
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.
A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.