Him jokes
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?
Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
I bought a horse and named him Mayo.
Sometimes Mayo neighs.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.
An orphan went on a game show.
The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day.
Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.
How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.
How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
Make him read a book.
I asked a kid why he was so blue.
Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.
I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.
I love my job at the orphanage.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.