Him jokes

How does a blonde punish her blind son? She takes away his TV privileges.

How does a blonde punish her deaf son? She takes away his telephone privileges.

How does a blonde punish her paraplegic son? She gives him a spanking.

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

Why did the orphan turn gay?

A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."

Make him read a book.

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Orphan: I want to be like Batman.

Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

Chuck Norris died, but Death was too afraid to tell him.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."