Him jokes

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!

Why did the orphan die?

He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.

Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy had a baby.

They never gave him a name, so they just played cut the rope with him...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

The orphan tried to play baseball, but he couldn't get home because home doesn't exist for him.

I bought a horse and named him Mayo.

Sometimes Mayo neighs.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?

Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.

What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

An orphan went on a game show.

The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?

Son: Why?

Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Orphan: I want to be like Batman.

Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.