Him jokes

I like trains.

*train hits him*

The parents used to hit him.

His parents got into a car crash and died.

He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly.

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dad's friend and I would take him home. He just curled up into a ball and started crying. Kidnapping must be easy.

We have a teacher in school. His name is Haybrock, but he is gay, so we call him Gaybrock.

An orphan walks into a science lab. The lead scientist greets him and takes him to a DNA testing station. After some procedures, the results come back:

"UNKNOWN"

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

Why do your orphans not drink beer?

Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"

Why was Kobe a good father?

He took his daughter with him.

"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."

An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.

Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

What do you do when you get a boy named Jackson? You dump him.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?

"Use the horse!"