High jokes

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?

You can get on with a prostitute!

How tall does the grass grow in Germany?

Zis high!

How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because he wanted to go to high school.

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Stephen Hawking had a high I.Q., but still had to learn how to be disabled.

Why can't you ever see an emo?

They're too high to see.

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

Don't give emos crack, they're high enough.

How do rappers greet each other?

With a high five and a mic drop!

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.

The death toll went sky high.

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.