High jokes

How tall does the grass grow in Germany?

Zis high!

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?

You can get on with a prostitute!

How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Stephen Hawking had a high I.Q., but still had to learn how to be disabled.

Why can't you ever see an emo?

They're too high to see.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because he wanted to go to high school.

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.

How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!

How do rappers greet each other?

With a high five and a mic drop!

Don't give emos crack, they're high enough.

I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).