High

High Jokes

Fall

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Gas

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

Trampoline

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Crush

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.

Outlaw

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted :)

Accident

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

Student

High school students are also more interesting to see, but they are you on your way. Just kidding! 🤣

Kid

The emo kid went for a high five. People say he's still hanging.

Sister

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.

Cop

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Priest

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

  • 0
  • Friend

    Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

    Difference

    What's the difference between a high street betting firm and a prostitute?

    You can get on with a prostitute!