High jokes

In Junior High, we had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood the report and wrote about how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?

Because he heard the bars were high.

I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.

Weirdo: I'm too high to die!

Me: You'll just fall harder.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...

An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.

The death toll went sky high.

What did the weed say before he got on the escalator?

I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).

Does anyone go to Eagle High School? Tell me what classes you have from 1st period to 4th period if you go to Eagle High School.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

What makes you guys high?

I get high when I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Roses are red, violets are blue, the stonks are high, and so are you.

Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?

I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

You know you're high when you hold all your pineapples hostage and yell, "SpongeBob, I know you're in there!"