HI Jokes

An ugly, poor teenage girl found a genie lamp in her backyard. The genie said, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but under 1 condition."

"What is it?" she asked.

"After I grant your final wish, you have to have sex with me," the genie replied.

"Okay, for my 1st wish, I wish to be the prettiest girl at my school," the genie snapped his fingers and made her pretty.

"For my 2nd wish, I wish for my family to be rich," the genie snapped his fingers and told her her family is now the richest in town.

"And your final wish?" the genie asked.

"I wish I had a sabertoothed vagina."

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?

His running mate has 34 of them!

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?

He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!

For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.

Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.

Air.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.

President Joseph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to. Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either, but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Delaware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place.

Oh well, that's politics.

Why is Hitler better than Biden?

Because Hitler gave his people gas for free.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!

The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."

The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.