**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

billie: hi

me: you wanna hear a story?

billie: yes sure

me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.

John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming

Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am

Me holding a new cat: Say Hi to my little friend! My friends: Hi to my little friend!

hi. I am joe

Yo mama is so slow when she stepped on the HI way they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic

What did the guy with 2 hands say to the guy with 1 hand

Hi-five

Me: Hey dad, I’m in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal…

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I’m dad!

Son: Hi Dad, I’m Son Dad: Hi Son, I’m Leaving You

Years later: Dad still did not come back

Hi I have crippled in depression

hi my name is jeff

what did the trumpet say to trump hi fellow trumpet

hi m my name is crappy i like tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and ya now GET LOST!

hi what’s your name? idk im disabled

This is Sally😉 Sally says hi 👐 This is Sally when a car comes by 🤕

Welcome to youtube.com

where we treat our patients nicely

hi

hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

Kid: I’m hungry Dad Bot: hi hungry, I’m dad Teenager: I’m t l e r did nothing wrong Dad Bot: hi t l e r did nothing wrong, I’m dad Nazi: finally

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said “hi.” I said, " knife to meet you."

Sun: Hi, I am the sun! I want to warm you up… Human: :D Sun: I want to BuRn you… Human: … Sun: I want to… KILL… you… Human: I should be going now Sun: LET ME KILL YOU Human: Screams his last sound