Wife

Weeb

Wife:Honey im pregnant

Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad

Wife:No you’re not

Orphan

Dat fat kid at school

When someone calls you say this, Hi Welcome to Dave’s Orphanage, You make them We take them how may I help you! :)

Orphanage

Mummy

Hi, Welcome to Dave’s Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?

5

Night

Anonymous

billie: hi

me: you wanna hear a story?

billie: yes sure

me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.

3

Dad

[REDACTED]

Wife: Hi honey im pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant im dad.

Wife: No your not…

Andrew

Andrew

Person 1: hi i am tom… and you ? person 2: andrew ?

Guy

HERALD

Hi guys. I am so happy and proud of myself and i thought i should share with you!! Today i saw myself on TV when i turned it off.

Orphanage

J0K3ST3R

If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?

Die

Yass queen

MOM: honey im pregnet DAD:Hi pregnet im dad MOM:No your not

Wife

Scott

**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?

NASA

Ur Mom

Hi.

What is money called in space

Star bucks

Boy

Skadoosh

“Hi Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?” " Oh, Johnny you know Matt doesn’t have any arms or legs." “I know, we just wanted to use him as third base.”

Ball

Anonymous

hi. I am joe

4

Party

daddyofjokes

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid’s birthday party. He walked in and said “Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel.” He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said “And for my final trick; I will disappear!” He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said “Hey, he’s like my dad.” “Really” asked a little girl? “I guessed?” he said back, “My dad wasn’t a magician, but he disappeared. I haven’t seen him since…”

Puns

?

happiness

3

Orphan

Emilly

Hi hunter. Emilly wrote this

Why do orphans love having sex?

Becuase They can finally call somebody daddy.

Dad

a terrible person

Me: Hey dad, I’m in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal…

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I’m dad!

2

Girlfriend

funny-rex

my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time

Orphan

Anonymous

Hi person reading this