Hes Jokes

Why was the clown sad

He broke his funny bone. Ps: funny bone is not actually a bone

I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo, he tried high fiving a tree but it only left him hanging

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit, he slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs a few feet, then stops, turns around and waves it’s paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says “Wow that is amazing, what is in that can” the man looks at the can and reads the label “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave”.

my dad told me to do wht he did best so i left

Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? because he had a big bill

Why did hitler kill himself?

He didn’t want to pay the gas bill

So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children

A kid wanted ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me 💀

Why was tickle me Elmo upset when he left the factory? Because they only gave him one test tickle

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Yesterday i saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no so i asked him if he needed help. And he said yes so i let him in my car and said dont worry you’ll be home with you parents soon. He said my parents died. I said i know.... i went for the cliffs

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

What a Blind Man says when he passes the fish market?....Hello Ladies!

roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks "How long am I going to live?" The doctor says "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says"10" The man asks "Ten what?" Then the doctor keeps going"6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1"

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."