The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?”, he said
“It’s because God made you special.”, she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint...my....house.’
Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good so I told him so. My brother said to me, "at least I don't have to camp in order to get kills". I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills".
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late??
A cold shoulder
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
so the coach got mad at me cause im the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum and i was just keeping the ball to myself and the coach pulled me aside and said pass to others i said why and he said theres no i in team and i said ya but theres an m e
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
