What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
Hes Jokes
A boy and his friend were walking down the street.
Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"
Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."
Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."
Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.
He came in twice.
(like if u understand)
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?
Nothing, he just exploded.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo. He tried high-fiving a tree, but it only left him hanging.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw the gas bill.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. 💀
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
