Herring jokes
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Memes
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
Yo mama is so ugly that the Grinch fell out when he saw her!
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Yo mama's so big, her belt size is "equator."
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
Yo mama so fat, I have to take a train, 2 buses, and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.