Herring jokes
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.
Memes
Why did I find this?!
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"
If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.
Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.
Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"