Hereness jokes

Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅

Wanna hear something twisted?

A pretzel.

I went to kill Biden with poison water and mixed it with my finger, and then licked it. I passed out, and now I'm here.

Hello everybody, now who here have watched Skurry?

If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.

You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

Me: "I came home laughing."

Parents: "What's wrong?"

Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

Parents: "What is it?"

Me: "Who farted?"

"You did great!"

"Come here and get your prize, a shiny quarter!"

"Nah, that's okay."

"Here's the quarterback."

"You don't want the quarter?"

"No! Quarterback!"

"Huh?"

(Crashes) (screams)

"Yo, sorry 'bout that."

"You think he's gonna be mad?"

"Who? Baldi?"

"Nah, he doesn't have a HAIR in the world!"

(Annoying Orange laughs) (Baldi groans)

There was a man who had just moved from a foreign country. He just moved into his apartment and was watching his favorite TV shows. The first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!"

There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him, "Sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. The man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." The cop said, "Sir, what did you use?" and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all I use is forks and knives." After that, the cop said, "Sir, I'm going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" The screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"