Hereness jokes
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
Can you f**k out of here?
Karen says:
You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"
U can vent here idc.
Open wide, here comes the airplane!
If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!
Depression: Here, your mom just died.
Me: My mom is already dead.
I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:
Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.