Hereness Jokes

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

For all the online haters on me, comment here, be honest.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Lettuce in.

Lettuce in who?

Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

Do you want to hear a joke?

Never mind, it’s too punny.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

im sobbing, fruit wuz my first friend on here, and now he's gone :<

A text message screenshot saying:
"Can confirm this is me. I didn't sign in, and I won't sign in ever again. You guys are the best. Dagger, stfu. but fr tho, Dagger, you should pursue being a therapist. I believe in you, your awesome. (wrong you're on purpose) :hello:, you're a great friend. stay out of trouble. Cas/Kai, You are a genuine comedian, you make me feel good about myself, and you are very kind. Ashton, STFU. Bye ya'll. For real this time."

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.

"Knock Knock..."

"Who's There?"

"Kenya"

"Kenya who?"

"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?

The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”

And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”

Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.

Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"