Hereness jokes
What did kings say when they were made king?
Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
How do Taliban parents feed their babies?
"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"
Ah shit, here they come
When Helen Keller drives a car, people call her Asian.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Can you f**k out of here?
Karen says:
You're hairline is like I was so fat Dora the Explorer couldn't find your numbers!
U can vent here idc.
If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
What’s the difference between a mediocre thief and professional thief?
The mediocre thief will say “give me all your money!”
And a professional thief will say “sign here please.”
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
Open wide, here comes the airplane!
The only joke here is the topic.