Her jokes
Yo mama so poor, the homeless donate to her.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.
Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.
I was going to listen to a funny comment about abortion, but her joke was crap.
Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."
Her: "No."
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Timmy Turner: I wish the Vegan Teacher was a cheeseburger.
Wanda: Ok, Timmy.
Timmy: Cosmo, bring her to me!
Cosmo: Here you go, Timmy.
*Timmy eats Miss Kadie*
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
I had a girlfriend who was a below-the-knee amputee. We broke up because she just couldn't keep her legs closed.
When Sally was little, she came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, I can't believe it! Little John collects Pimmel at school."
Mom: "No?"
"Like in heaven?" said the mother.
"No, juice," Sally said.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!