Her jokes
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie. Your other brothers can't deny that she's fly. We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that. She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black. But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F. 'Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef. And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol But if I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all. She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed. She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna. She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess. I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song 'Cause I'm in your house every night doin' your mo-om.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
How do you make a blonde girl stop screaming in bed? Pull out of her.
Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.
Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.
Man, I love working in the orphanage.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.
The other day while I was going down on my grandma, I thought I tasted a little horse semen and I got to wondering if maybe that’s what killed her!
Yo mama so fat that Hannibal Lecter couldn't eat her up.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Yo mama is so fat, they had to flood the Super Bowl to give her a bath.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!