Hearing jokes
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
Did you hear about the Mormons?
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.