Hearing jokes
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?
Friend: No?
Person: Exactly.
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.
So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Wanna hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
Bully: Ur Gay.
Me: I'M STRAIGHTER THAN THE LINE IN OSAMA BIN LADIN'S PLAN.
Bully: *runs away and hears crash*