Hearing jokes

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

Did you hear about the Mormons?

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?

He was a brave sucker.

What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?

They both can't hear their parents.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

Wanna hear something twisted?

A pretzel.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.

Girlfriend: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you want sex.

Boyfriend: No, I don't.

NEXT MINUTE

The man could hear banging.