Hearing jokes

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... She died of hearing aids.

Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?

He was a brave sucker.

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie!

Did you hear about the Mormons?

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

Wanna hear something twisted?

A pretzel.

Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.

Girlfriend: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you want sex.

Boyfriend: No, I don't.

NEXT MINUTE

The man could hear banging.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy! 😅