Yo momma's so stupid, she took a shower for 20 minutes after she heard a DIRTY JOKE!
Ever heard of the band 'Nothing but thieves'? Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
