Health jokes
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
What do you do when you get rid of prostate cancer?
Cell-ablate!
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!