My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
Health Jokes
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
Why are ant colonies very healthy? Because they have lots of antibodies.
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra!
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Duck my sick.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
Never eat more than you can lift.
What was the winning play at the leper football game?
A hand off up the middle.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
Stroke victims are my heroes.
My favorite is Louis C.K.
What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?
The wheelchair.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
