Health jokes
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Dam, my balls itch like hell.
I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.