A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
What did the horse say when his throat was sore?
I have a hoarse throat!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
What did the nose say to the finger?
"Stop picking me!"
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
I was gonna tell a joke about a dead fetus, but I decided to abort it.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Why isn't there a ball pit at Taco Bell? Because it's hard to have fun knowing you might poop your pants.
We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.
