What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
His favorite drink was his dribble.
Friend: I got bit.
Other friend: By what?
Friend: A dog.
Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
