Have jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?
They both use strap on tools.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What does a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese, but it's only mild.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
I have had it up to here with you.
(Then there Hight.)
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."
"I have a three-head."
"I have a four-head."
Bald people have a seven-head.
What does a pencil and a plan have in common?
They were both in the Twin Towers.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."