Have jokes

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.

BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.

What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.

They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?

In life, some people have it harder than others.

That's why Viagra exists.

What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What’s the difference between Mexicans and stoners?

Stoners have papers.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

How many children does Explain Bear have?

How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

Would you rather have ten babies in one trash can or one baby in ten trash cans?

What do birds and planes have in common?

They both fly into building windows.

Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last person who had a dream got shot.

I have no problem with prostitution.

It's like an Air BnB for your dick.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.