Have jokes
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
Why do orphans prefer iPhones under the iPhone X? Because they have a home button.
Have you ever seen a blind man swim?
Neither has he.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
I wanted another piece of pizza... but she said I could only have One Piece.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
I see you guys have SANS-ational jokes!
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!