Harding jokes
It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.
Your hairline is so bad, I do your mom so hard!
How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.
I tried to play with rock, but it was hard.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
I was reading a book about gravity. It was so hard to put down!
Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.
On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.
Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.
Why did the DJ go to jail?
Because he dropped the bass too hard!
Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
What did the rapper say when their computer crashed?
"Looks like I just dropped a HARD DRIVE!"
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.