Harding Jokes

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!

President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎

Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.

Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.

No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.

It ain't always having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

I tried to play with rock, but it was hard.

How do you make Olaf hard? You tickle his snowballs.

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10 and his hard drive corrupted

I was reading a book about Gravity. It was so hard to put down!

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.

On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.

Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.

Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair

It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit

They say if viagra lasts more than four hours call the doctor ? I’m just wondering it’s been 6 hours and I’m still hard should I call the doctor or hop on another women

Why Hollywood doesn't make a good Movie about holocausts? because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters

My Girlfriend asked "why is this test so long and hard?" I then said "you know what else is long and hard..." She was amazed!

What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside. Coconut, what were you thinking of?