Harding

Harding jokes

Skin

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

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  • Interview

    (BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

    MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

    BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

    MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

    BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

    MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

    BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

    MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

    BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

    (MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

    MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

    Job Interview

    Man: I'm here for the job interview.

    Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

    Man: Just anywhere?

    Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

    Man: Yeah, that's me.

    (Shakes hands and sits back down)

    Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

    Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

    Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

    Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

    Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

    Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

    Employer: No.

    Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

    Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

    Memes

    Doctor

    A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

    Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

    Family

    These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

    Relationship

    Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

    President

    Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!

    President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎

    Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.

    Bullying

    Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.

    No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.

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  • Arthritis

    On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

    Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

    "Do you know what arthritis is?"

    The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

    "It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

    The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

    A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

    "How long have you had arthritis?"

    "I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

    Windows 10

    Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

    Ice Cream

    An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

    Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

    Mexican

    On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.

    Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.

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  • Hollywood

    Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?

    Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.