Hand jokes
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Memes
Ohio getting out of hand
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
What do you never say to gay people?
IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS! 🤣🤣🤣🏳️🌈
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"