I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
What do you never say to gay people?
IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS! 🤣🤣🤣🏳️🌈
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
