Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
