Hand jokes
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
Armless guy: Even though I don’t have arms, I can do anything you normal people can do.
Me: 🎵If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! 🎶
Little Johnny says: “Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room that’s been handed down from generation to generation?”
Mom replies: “Yes. What about it?”
He says: “Well, the last generation just dropped it.”
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Memes
Sad but true
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)
What kind of tree can you High-Five?
A palm tree.
White 40 year olds love little white kids, and so does Trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter!
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
What do you never say to gay people?
IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS! 🤣🤣🤣🏳️🌈
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."