Hand jokes
One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.
It got too out of hand and I got spanked.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Memes
Sad but true
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.