What does the child with no hands got for christmas? Unknown he hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in new york got for christmas? Hypothermia.
today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!' but it wasn't really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came.............................
AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy??!!! arn't u MAD!!!!!!! then she replied who's THAT!!??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN'T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!đđđ but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said....................... oh he's moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma'm where! SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit eitherđ§ i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................
ok like for part twoâșâșâș
I was stark nude. Hehe I was. I truly and sincerely was. The nurses giggled and said "Joseph, why the hell is your Weiner so loving". My penos purred and stroked there hands. I laughed and said. 'I do not know."
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R Whites in the other..I got into a hot sweat I think I have Corona Virus
Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."
"oh cool"
"this is mother Teresa's clock, the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense"
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
An African man visits his friend in the US
âI just flew in yesterdayâ the African man says âAnd boy are my arms tired!â
âYou know, thatâs kind of an old joke here in Americaâ replied his friend.
âJoke?â The African man said. âIâve been holding my hands in the air yelling âdonât shootâ ever since I got to this damn countryâ.
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said âsally itâll be ok Iâm sure sheâll be happy to get a grandsonâ âyeah thanks suzyâ she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didnât show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom Iâll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands âoh hello. Is that Sallyâs son!! Can I see sally?â Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone âhere lies sally 2004-2020â so I ask her mom in tears âoh did she not make it through the birth?â And her mom replied âyou could say that..â
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there's a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that's fine she replys but if I have to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.
tell an orphan: if u got no parents clap your hands