Hand jokes
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
What do you never say to gay people?
IF YOUR HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT CLAP YOUR HANDS! 🤣🤣🤣🏳️🌈
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
Sad but true
I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.
The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.