Hand jokes

What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."

So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.

I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

The amputee: -_-

Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?

He ended with a Black Handed bang.

When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

WHO'S THERE?

*Starts putting up hand signs.*

What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?

"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

Why can't orphans cross roads?

They don't have a parent to hold hands with.

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"

My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.

Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.

In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.

Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.