Hand jokes
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
What do you say when a handicapped man forgets something? "He knew it like the back of his hand."
How did Helen Keller dance? Very Bad.
How did Helen Keller draw? With her hand.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!