Hand jokes
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
What did Stephen Hawking say when he rode a bike?
"Hey look...no hands...or legs!"
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Knock knock.
WHO'S THERE?
*Starts putting up hand signs.*
Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?
He ended with a Black Handed bang.
Memes
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
So an ace gets handed a piece of paper and it says, "Do you like me or no?" and the ace says, "I'm not registered to vote!" Hahahahahahahahjajqh.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
Why can't orphans cross roads?
They don't have a parent to hold hands with.
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
How did Helen Keller dance? Very Bad.
How did Helen Keller draw? With her hand.
My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?