Hand jokes

I can't handle these puns...

But I can HAND you some puns!

Budum tiss!

What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?

"Hi-five!"

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?

An Amish Mechanic.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

Chuck Norris catches Pokémon with his bare hands.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!