I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
HA Jokes
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Penaldo song 🎵🎵🎵
He has conquered all the Farmers. He is never going to stop. From Lithuania down to Andorra, He has scored a fucking lot. Penalties and Tapins, The Fields of Faroe Islands, He is our GOAT, And his name is Cristiano Columbus. Allez, Allez, Allez Allez, Allez, Allez
Popcorn means Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany.
HO means a woman, in particular one who has many casual fricking encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based frick chamber in a nazi camp.
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
One has a functioning neck.
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.
Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
