HA jokes
My anxiety has anxiety.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?
A. The Jello has a higher IQ.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
Why can't the orphan take a family photo?
Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
Your mom has quite the mouth on her.
As I found out last night. Oh, what a night!! 😏 😉 😜
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!
Yo momma's so fat, her shirt size has more X's than Taylor Swift.