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Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

knock knock who’s there banana banana who knock knock who’s there banana banana who knock knock who’s there orange orange who orange you glad i did not say banana ha ha

Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so lt could get a real joke ha ah ah ha

heh heh, get it 69 ha ahahhaha

“TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN”

(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :

…“Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the f... up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . “I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for being f...ed up, for instance”…

STUMP : TEENY DICK

BUMP : TINY TIT

GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY

MUMP : A F...ED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE

LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA F...ED

UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS

RUMP : AN ASS

DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS

HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD

PUMP : SEE “HUMP”

. . . and last, but definitely not least –

JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER F...ER, AND GO TO HELL !!

… “Well that’s about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! …(splort!, plop!)… OOOOPS !! … sniff,sniff … Ewww !” (audience roars) “Fuhhhhk !.. I better go, 'cause I just went !! … Ha! ha! ha!”

…“Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!” …

(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, guns poppin’)

“OH LORDY !!.. HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN’ THE F... OUTTA HEEE!!”

(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi……….with the windows down) …Amen.

If I busted an egg on your head…The yolk would be on you …ha ha ha !!!

what do you get when you mix an apple with water… applesauce wait do not leave yet if you are still reading this you have been rekt ha ha at least im still laughing.

My wife was going to have a abortion and I have cancer Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny

Dead people can’t cross the street cuz there dead ha ha

What do you call a dead human…

A DEAD HUMAN HAHAHahahah ha… ha… ha Am I the only one laughing

why are mountains so funny because there hills ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha very funny