Guy jokes
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
A big guy told the small guy, "Do you want a little pill because you look ill, or should I smash you?"
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
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All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.
What's that? said the orphans.
Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.
What's the IJK?
I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.
Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
You guys know BeReal?
BeReal? More like cereal.
Get it? BeReal = cereal.
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.
A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"
Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?
He won the no-Bell prize.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀
Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?
Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."
An Asian walked up to another Asian that was crying.
He asked, "Is somting wong?"
The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon."
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."