Gun jokes
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.
Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
I’m not racist. I just have black guns.
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
Slay.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
I gun give money.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!