Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.
Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. 😂
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.
I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.
Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”
My friend was the only one who laughed.
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.
Me: Hey, do you want to see my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
