What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."
"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."
"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
39, 41, 43, AK, 47... AK-47.
1, 3, 5, M, 9... M-9.
*School shooting happens*
Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*
American student: "First time?"
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
murder murder suicide by police
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
My doctor said, "You have 1 year to live."
I said, "You wanna bet?"
Bam, a gunshot!
Why are school shooting jokes so funny?
Answer: The bullets hit your funny bone!
"I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friend's house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away."
"I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."
Said no horror movie character ever.
And also GTA logic.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
