Grandfather Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My great grandfather died in 9-11......

He was such a good pilot......

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I could never forget my grandfathers last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfather's? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

I was given a invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney. Thats why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fart.”

My grand father had the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I have WWII in my blood since my great grandfather killed hitler.

You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as 'grandpa.'

There are 2 dads and 2 sons they all caught a fish, Why did they only come home with 3 fish? (Answer) There were a grand-dad- dad- and son. If you don't get then it means grand father is the dad to the dad(1 dad) dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather, Get it?