Government jokes

What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).

I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].

If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,

Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

What do you call a Deranged Psychotic Woman with a Stupid Hairdo?

Answer: Keri Lake!

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

Therianarchy!

JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.

If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?

Idaho... Alaska!

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.

What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?

Vat-I-cans!

The 11th of September is considered 9/11 in America. The Twin Towers fell on 9/11 in 2001, but to call an emergency in America, you dial 911! 😮 You could say they dialed that correctly.

Nobody:

JFK: :) Hi guys!

JFK's killer: Ayo look at this shit, I just hit a clip.

JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.

Trump really fractured the US with his 1/6 insurrection...

Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?

A: You're the chairman of the board!

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.

All hail President Trump!

Why doesn't the U.S. Government play Clash of Clans?

Because they lost two towers already.