Government jokes
Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:
"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."
Anyone know what bird that is?
To anger a Libertarian lie to him, to anger a Democrat tell him the truth, to anger a Republican sodomize him.
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?
Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?
A school shooting.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.
President Joe Biden was jogging through some different jogging paths around this great county we live in and was jogging through Alabama and fell off into a swamp filled with killer alligators, and these 3 boys named Willie, Roman, and Little Johnny saw him fall in and jumped in and drug him to safety, and the president was like "Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO much. I'm gonna give you boys a reward for saving my life," and asks them what their names were and what they wanted. The first boy said, "My name's Willy, and I want to go to Disneyland," and the president said, "No problem, and I'll take you personally." The 2nd boy said, "My name's Roman, and I want an autographed pair of Air Jordan Nikes," and the president said, "No troubles at all," and the 3rd boy says, "My name's Little Johnny, and I want a power wheelchair with an awesome stereo and killer wheels," and the president says, "You don't look handicapped, Little Johnny," and Little Johnny said, "I'm not, but as soon as I tell my parents who I saved, I will be"🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
To all the little rude people here, fuck you. I didn't ruin this country, it was Putin!
I am your leader.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
Stop blaming Bush. He is white, it couldn’t have been him.