Government jokes

What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.

Vote for Kris!

What did Darth Trump Vader say to evil emperor Putin?

Yessssss, MEaster!

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK."

"If you got a question, just shoot!"

What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?

A dictator.

NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

9/11 happened... right?

The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

In Washington D.C.

How can one make Death Row a little more fun?

Musical electric chairs.

Why can't Chinese do anything? The government won't let them.

What did kings say when they were made king? Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.

After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."

So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."

Where did George go?

Washington, D.C.