Government jokes
What did Obama ask Trump?
Say what you want about Hitler, at least he got the trains to run on time.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
What do you call a Deranged Psychotic Woman with a Stupid Hairdo?
Answer: Keri Lake!
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
"Let's go Brandon!"
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Midixadrupin, Midixarizin or Dixafix.
Like if you're voting Trump 2024! WOOOOO!
Kamala Harris is so ugly that Joe Biden is shaking hands with invisible people!
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.
Putin's Brain:
Why are the English so bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What is similar between Hitler and Trump?
They both want to keep races out.