Government jokes

Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?

A: His lips move.

Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?

A: When they are falling from their balcony.

When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

"Welcome to the gulag."

What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?

Not my problem.

Your mom is as fat as NASA's company.

If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?

Therianarchy!

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

NASA stands for "Nobody asks scientists anymore."

Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!

If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA