Government jokes
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
A kid asks Trump:
Kid: "Where are the confidential files?"
Trump: "There they are, bud!"
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Memes
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.
Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
Why does Britain suck at chess?
They lost their queen.
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
Reviews for the Chinese flag are in!
5 stars!
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
Your hairline was so fat that Joe Biden could not make it prime minister.
"Welcome to the gulag."
I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.
Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.