Government jokes
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Long live the quee—Oh wait...
What is the difference between a Libertarian and a dumb polack?
Not much difference.
Memes
If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
"Welcome to the gulag."
What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?
Not my problem.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
Your mom is as fat as NASA's company.
I'm gonna blow out your lungs faster than Joe Biden thinks is possible with a 9mm.
Why does Britain suck at chess?
They lost their queen.
When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
JFK tried meditating. He told everyone he is very open-minded.
Reviews for the Chinese flag are in!
5 stars!
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"